I Seek Not Fame but Freedom For The Women Under Male Guardianship in Saudi Arabia.

I had a comment on one of my video blogs recently where the person said I must be seeking to be famous by talking about Saudi Arabia. Sadly they have no understanding of the fact that if someone wants to seek fame, there are a million safer approaches than taking on a regime that kills journalists and activists without a second thought or glance and who is so rich as to have no UN or governing body or country able to question their authority.

I grew up like I suppose many Saudi girls did (and still do), hidden away behind high walls and vast drawing rooms only to be seen by other women with the exception of those men who were allowed to see me because they were a blood relation that I could not marry, uncles, grandfather, brothers & father. I was raised that this was the proper way, and for too many, it still is. I was taught that my step-father had the final say on every aspect of my life, and I believed that the Male Guardianship Law was put into effect for my/our safety since we were but fragile women incapable of fending for ourselves in the dangerous world that ly beyond the tall walls of our villa. I was taught that despite being born American, it was not a good thing to be, that I should do my best to never show in any way any American characteristics as that would ruin my marriage prospects. I was taught, starting at the age of six, that marriage was the only aspiration I should have, and then if my husband wanted me to go to college, I could go; if my husband wanted my hair cut short, I could cut it, and if my husband wanted me to do nothing but cook and bare children then that is what I would do. My Saudi Aunt taught me that a woman should have no opinions, be silent, and, most of all obedient to her guardian be it her father or her husband. I was taught that people had the right to question my virtue at every wedding and tea gathering because if the mother was an American, then she was surely a woman of loose morals before she married a Saudi, and the date surely could not have fallen far from the date tree. 

America, my grandmother would say, was an evil and corrupt place where the men no longer looked after their women, and the women ran around naked and slept with every man they met. America was a place where there was great suffering because the country and its people had no connection to Allah, unlike the people of our own chosen Islamic land, Saudi Arabia. I was taught by my Aunt about submission to male authority and why it was paramount that I do so because once married, she said there would be no stopping my husband from beating me or worse, once I was his property (It is legal for a guardian to beat his wife, his daughters and any woman under his purview). Just like the deed to a car, guardianship of a woman is transferred to the husband on the wedding day by a woman's current guardian, be it her father, brother, uncle, and so on. 

There is no running away in Saudi Society since the police can be called to report a woman as a runaway and have her brought straight back home. In my youth, there were no shelters for women who were victims of abuse, sexual or otherwise, and today although the regime opened up women's shelters like Dar al-Reaya (The House of Care), an interesting name for a place that is neither a house nor a place of care. These places are little more than prison cells where the women are tortured and coerced to reconcile with their attackers and return to their homes in complete silence. If you can handle the repeated flogging and you are unmarried, their next approach is to pressure you to marry, and more often than not, the marriage options are former convicts or men who are looking for a second or third wife. It can be hard to imagine or fathom what it is like to grow up as a Saudi woman since, for your average American woman, as the expression goes, is “Born Free.” We are born slaves to our Male Guardians, legally and socially. To speak of the actual situation on the ground online, abroad, or outside of your tribe is criminalized. Almost every female activist who has dared to question the system has been sentenced to a hefty sentence in prison, followed by a travel ban and a pledge to remain silent or else. Many have disappeared entirely, and in Saudi Arabia, when we speak of forced disappearances, it normally means they are dead, locked away without proper due process, or drugged into a comatose state like Princess Latifa bint Mohammed Al Maktoum of Dubai. 

Now the country has been opened up by Mohammed bin Salman for tourism, and people are flocking to see behind the iron curtain that has so long covered Saudi Arabia. When they return, they speak about the food, how hospitable the people are, and how beautiful the landscapes and hotels are, all of which are true. They say things like, “I spoke to many Saudis while I was there, and they all swore that they believed in MBS’s 2030 plan and were so excited and happy with their young progressive ruler” They forget to ask themselves a simple question - if there is no free speech and if questioning the ruler or the ruling family in anything is considered sedition and speaking against the policies of the royal family or even just the general rule of law is considered the crime of conspiring with a foreign government and conspiring to disrupt social order can land you and your family the hefty sentence that Salma al-Shehab was sentenced to 34 years in prison and another 34 years on a travel ban ( Travel ban is the regimes way of saying house arrest with extensive surveillance). Now ask yourself, dear reader, if you would have the courage to say anything except that you were happy…

I did not choose to be an activist. It chose me. I did not choose to put myself at risk to object to the male guardianship law in Saudi Arabia openly. On the contrary, I was raised, like so many, to be silent and obedient, but I can be silent no longer. The reason is an easy one to relay to you, and the person who said it best was Jamal Khashoggi “I can speak when so many cannot.” Silence is not an option for me, for I have been silent far too long.